I am putting an end to this livejournal.

Recently, much has changed in my life, and most if it has been for the better. Some lessons learned, and much growing to be done! I remain on good terms with most everyone and received insight on a new (old) path to take into the future.

I have graduated college, taken steps to keep a friendship where a deeper bond might have done damage, renewed other friendships and even negated an old one. I look forward to a life of travel, work, more education, a novel, and deeper bonds.

All considered I wish to create a NEW journal, and leave this one behind; I endeavor not to escape the negative changes in my life, but to embrace the positive ones! I am very certain that the person I am now is different than the one who created this journal in 2004, and just as a change sparked that creation, so now does a change engender this one.

I made the decision to do it tonight although I have felt it coming for awhile now. The stories I find myself wanting to tell no longer fit on these pages, and what better time than the present? what greater chance than now?

Jackie mentioned that she found this in her old journal. It must be true, look how young I am!


You are Harry Potter!


Which Harry Potter character is most like you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Rob withdrawls:

12/1 -$40
12/7 -$20
12/14 - $60
12/16 - $200
12/19 -$200
12/20 - $150
12/21 - $40
=
$710

Rob deposits:
12/2 + 200
12/9 + 200
12/16 + 200
12/23 + 200
12/30 + 200
=
1000
-
710
=
Only $290 went towards rent.





What I owe:

On 12/5 I put in $700, on 12/6 MBNA took out $700 = $0

On 12/5 I took out $35, which was Rob’s half of the $70 we agreed to pay at Ikea = $0

On 12/15 I put in $476.40, my half of the rent = $0

On 12/19 I put in $100, on 12/20 MBNA took $100= $0

On 12/19 I put in $183.49, which was three bills combined:
On 12/20 Cingular took out $97.44 - 183.49 = 86.05
On 12/20 Cablevision took out $122.10, half of which I owe, so 61.05 – 86.05 = $25
On 12/20 First Energy took out $50, half of which I owe, so $25 - $25 = $0

On 12/28 First Energy took out $ 27.59, on 12/20 I put in $123.44. I owe half, that was more than half, so the account owes me + $95.85

On 1/3 I put in $25 to cover the late fee.

On 1/3 I put in $275.03 to make up the difference.

I am willing to give $140 for my half of the Christmas presents and the $100 from Rob's birthday present, which means the account still owes ME $130.88

I withdrew $100, so the account owes me $30.88

Public History Internship: A
Philosophy: A
Culture of the Middle Ages - Medieval Sexuality: B+
Western Religions:A

AND

Did I graduate with High Honors or Honors?????: HIGH HONORS!


I have done very few things that I am truly proud of, and finally I can say that graduating Douglass College at Rutgers University was one of them.

I present to you a brief synopsis of my college career:

I made Dean's List 8 times out of a potential 9, with a semester GPA of 3.5 or higher.

I accumulated

25 : A's
13 : B+'s
2 : B's
1 : C+

I was invited to be a member of the Golden Key International Honour Society and Phi Alpha Theta, the History Honors Society.

I spent a Summer session abroad in Paris, where I earned two A's and one of the greatest experiences of my life.

And I graduate now with a 3.76, High Honors, and the Bachelors of Art in History.

Public History Internship: A
Philosophy: A
Culture of the Middle Ages - Medieval Sexuality: B+
Western Religions:

AND

Did I graduate with High Honors or Honors?????:

Many things have been happening but mnany updates have NOT been happening. I must resolve myself to an update.

To begin, my lover and friends did host for me the most awesomest Christmas Eve dinner EVER. Much hard work on everyone's part went into an incredible group effort meant to satisfy my craving for Christmases past.

"I am the cybernetic ghost of Christmas Past, from the FUTURE!"

More details on that will inevitably follow, we hope.

Today I did spend with the Great Miss Jackie Dacey, making sure our anime addiction does not die. We watched a new anime, the name of which I don't even remember. I am ashamed to admit that I liked Pretear but NOT ashamed to admit I liked Fruits Basket. We did then plan to go see a movie with Wurtzel

(side note: sometimes the effect of a statment is utterly lost on those not intimately invovled with the backstory. Statements like: "Jackie and I planned to see a movie with Wutzel," "Jeff smoked weed," "Jeff, Heather, Jared, and me were all in the SAME room at the SAME time," "Rob lived in Trenton" are examples of this.)

but the 6:05 showing of Narnia was sold out. So I did call Jase and Jai and they did meet us for cappacino at the Edison Diner. It was fun! Much laughing went on as a number of conversations existsed simulatentoulsy. Jeff regaled the table with what was one of the funniest stories I ever heard him tell in one of the funniest ways I've ever seen him tell a story ("Who was THAT?"). Jackie and I regaled the confused table with references to the Fall 2004 Backyard Parties ("Acid-Jared!" "Remember when me and Jared went to find that owl? We FOUND it!") We then had a great moment in the parking lot that made my soul harken back to olden days....

...gotta go. Damn.

I am sure this was the worst finals week ever. Jase kept me alive.

I have never EVER been so happy to see the word, "Tea?" in my life.

Public History Internship:
Philosophy: A
Culture of the Middle Ages - Medieval Sexuality:
Western Religions:

AND

Did I graduate with High Honors or Honors?????:

Well, I just finished my first final and pulled a B+ according to my internal final-o-meter. It's once again time for!


Public History Internship:
Philosophy:
Culture of the Middle Ages - Medieval Sexuality:
Western Religions:

AND

Did I graduate with High Honors or Honors?????:


Now! we wait.

Jesse is home, I am not sure whether I will be able to pull off Christmas Eve dinner (=NO MONEY AND NO TIME, I have a final the 23rd and am in debt).

I am currently reading for my philosophy final and the article is on whether or not computers can think. The scenario being presented is a future super computer:

"Let us call this more versatile machine "Harry." Harry (let us say) is humanoid in form - he is a miracle of miniaturization and has lifelike plastic skin - and he can converse intelligently on all sorts of subjects, play golf and the viola, write passable poetry, control his occaisional nervousness pretty well, make love, prove mathematical theorums (of course), show envy when outdone, throw gin bottles at annoying children, etc., etc."

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, apparently Jackie and I helped create this robot.

So yes, mine papa did get married this weekend and there was much rejoicing! (yaaaaaaay!) I will probably be writing a nice long entry about this when I collect some of the better pictures, but for now I will leave you with a scene from The Dance of a Thousand Tears, wherein I picked the tearjerker of all father and daughter songs and apparently half the audience couldn't look at us for crying / fear of crying:

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".

Not terribly telling:


January: I have started this entry, and by this entry I mean simply the entry after the last one, two times already.

February: Okay.

March: STATUS: We are MOVED IN and PARTIALLY UNPACKED.

April: You know I did post all about how Rob and I went up to our secret waterfall at the top of an icy mountain and I got totally naked except my shoes and took pictures against the rocks in the snow while the sun set across the Delaware BUT livejournal never posted it.

May: The main reason I haven't been updating as much is because my best updates are at night and for the last 5 months the only computer has been next to the bed and I was never able to use it.

June: I just lost ALL OF THE MOTHER FUCKING PICTURES ON MY GODDAMN CAMERA!

July: Okay, so I've been working through a modern interpretation of Cinderella and knew that the only way I could discover a workable plot was to get totally stoned and then think about it.

August: So, I had a different weekend than I'm used to; this weekend felt more the way weekends used to.

September: Owed to the fact that my main computer, the Dell, the BEAST is currently in parts on my old bedroom floor I can only access the internet at school and while I'm working which is why my livejournal updates are so few and far between.

October: Like I said I do want to spend some time waxing philosophical on this damn thing.

November: J.K. said that neither Book 6 or Book 7 would be as long as Book 5.

December: Okay, so I hate going for long spurts without updating.

I don't dream as often as I used to.

But for many years I have had a recurring dream, not in the sense that I'm doing the same thing in the same place; no, the motif or theme is reccuring, and I can descibe the motif thusly:

In simplest terms, I am exploring an abandoned or nearly abandoned structure. It is always old, elegant, and in various states of disrepair. Things are never pristine but are beautiful in their decay,
and the structures range from castles to churches to mansions to simple smaller houses. Whatever structure I'm in gets bigger and bigger as the dream continues, and sometimes doors open into impossibly large rooms. I am almost always alone, but never afraid. Nothing jumps at me, there are no ghosts or negative energies to deal with. Sometimes there are challenges, like once the stairwell I was climbing had collapsed, so I had to make my way onto a ledge and inch my way to the next floor. I am driven by the same yearning curiousity that has me studying history and wanting to dig in 'abandoned' sites in my waking life. Sometimes I revisit the same structure in two or more dreams. Very often the entrance to the structure is hidden or bizarre.

One structure was hidden in the wood's behind my neighbor's house. I went there at least twice. One structure rested on the remains of my current house, the church was attached to Rutgers, one mansion was 'somewhere in Europe' and the most recent dream was actually a building on a city block, the first ever urban locale for one of my buildings. Deep red is a common variable: either the carpets, the upulstery, or the walls are crimson. But a royal red, not a blood red. The sense of certain rooms always give the impression that there was once a very jovial attitude to the places, and they are lonely now because those times have passed. Ballrooms, hotels from the Golden Age of America, things that I am utterly fascinated by in my real life.

Last night was the dream about the urban building. I've been there once before in a dream, and was going back to explore further. Apparently, it was the living quarters of some rejects of society (I liken them to the Goth kids I met living on the streets of Montreal). They made their beds in the various rooms, and their personal touches to rooms never meant for living quarters gave the place an interesting sense of misuse, change with the times, lonliess for better days again. You walk in a tiny, broken door indicating that there is nothing special beyond into a giant yet narrow (running along the face of the building) foyer with a massive massive iron 'gate' hanging off the ceiling. The room was once used for something utterly different, but you can't quite grasp what. I remember thinking that since my prior visit I'd done some 'research' on the internet and read about that giant mental structure and "the dome." I thought to myself, what dome? We continued to the massive hall, ballroom-like save for the giant pillars running all through the room making it wholly unusable as a ballroom. Imagine some Art Deco room leftover from better times.

Suddenly the massive room was filled with people, explorers like myself. As our numbers grew, so did the features to be explored. Suddenly there were paintings, tables, everything came into sharper focus as our excitment grew. Then, across the room from me, came a door. At first someone said, "It's a balcony!" and I started to make my way over. Then, "No, it's a mezzanine!" and I quickened my pace. And finally, "No, it's a..." as I opened the door to step out under the most massive dome I have ever seen. Gleaming golden mosaic tiles fastened into a giant, awe inspiring, probably impossible concrete dome reached across the ceiling leaving me utterly breathless. The best way I can describe it is the feeling of awe you get standing under the barrel vault of Grand Central Station, but round and much bigger.

As my view came back to the Earth I found myself standing at the focal point of a theater-like structure. Under the dome in a semi-circle was a Greek style theater, and the door opened out onto the stage where I was standing; all eyes in the room were glued on me. In a moment of inspiration I realized that people were seated all over the theater and I wanted to try an experiment, but just as I opened my mouth people started to talk and disreguard whatever I was going to say. (This feeling can be DIRECTLY linked to the feeling I get when I go one step towards the scientific or historical in everyday life, the sorta half-way-to-rolling-their-eyes feeling I get from other people.)

I realize what I was going to propose to the audience is very much a Valerie-thing so I want to say it. I was going to ask everyone to be quiet to see if the architects had mastered the flawless acoustics of the Greeks. I was going to whisper and have anyone who would hear me raise their hand.

After this point the dream dramatically shifted in a personal way.

Kill me, please. I am no good at making confessions.

Let the updating COMMENCE!

First of all, I LOVE my daily conversations with Jackie. There are a few people in the world who can maintain an interesting IM conversation day after day after day, and Jackie is one of them. We are constantly making each other laugh (I hope) and just being BEST FRIENDS FOR EVER! *kiss* Anyway,

"You + me + A LOT of your medication = Utah/Washington"

Jackie has a friend in Utah named Laurel, of the Ithaca Laurels, and I MOST NOTABLY have a friend in Washington State. We MUST road trip.

"There's something about reading anime porn that makes you think..."


WHY CAN'T YUKI JUST BANG TOHRU THROUGH A FUCKING RICE-PAPER DOOR!? God.


So, Thanksgiving. Yup.

----------

I have this mental image of Bethlehem, PA from when I was a girl. It's this hazy, wintery, Christmasy memory full of Christmas lights, cold wind, and the Star on the mountain-top. This has been recently overlayed with the 'industrial America, land of broken dreams' image from my most recent trip, and it went past everyone at the party that my 'Stoned and Drunk Norman Rockwell' moment on the balcony was LIFE ALTERING!

"New Jersey: We May be New York's Armpit, but that Means we can Stab it in the Heart Easier"

So I finally went to visit Stein at Lehigh. I know no one believes me but I honestly DID always intend to go visit him, and now that I have I'm happy for it. It was a fun party! I got to debut The Hat which everyone seemed to love. I am happy to report that the party was much fun! and a blessed relief compared to the Lakehouse Party from HELL. I was 'sligh.'

The Norman Rockwell moment came when I was outside on Stein's balcony with his younger brother Dan, and glimpsed a softly moving column of smoke coming from a thin, 19th century type chimey on a steep roof, blowing in front of a vista of other steepled roofs and the two spires of a nearby church. It was a PERFECT moment, so much so that I proceeded into Rich's room, yelled, "Whoever wants to see the most perfect thing in reality, follow me!" and brought like 7 people out onto the balcony who all laughed at me when I said, "okay. Now you see the smoke coming out of that chimney..."

*laughing at herself* You know you love me.

I just had a live (and very fun) conversation with Rana! Weeeeeeeeee! I have always maintained that true friendship needs much conversation, so I am glad that we seem to now have much more of an opportunity to chat rather than our penpal relationship. Our friendship was born in a chat room, and it will die there.

Ranadae: I am passing into Death, good friend.
Autumn: As am I.
Ranadae: *dead*
Autumn: <----dead

--------------


I have discovered MEMORY FOAM and am forever altered.

I know what I want to give almost every one for the holidays. I stare at the screen and I cry for lack of money. All I want to do is spend my money on my friends. You all have to make a decision whether you want:

1)a present you would really think is cool/funny/fun
OR
2)a personal present from me to you

DECIDE NOW!

Heather and Jackie are getting (2) most probably, unless they say otherwise.

I was just interviewed for some TV class project about research in the library. It was both awkward and hilarious. And now they want me to take on the organizational steps for the next exhibit, the photography of Maragret Burke-White. Go her! I just over heard this conversation between my supervisor and the head conservator:

"Well, she seemed to take it very well."
"Yes! She seems to, uh.."
"Thrive on challenge?"
"Yes."

Let it be known throughout the land that more and more of my lj entries will be Friends Only from this point on! If those of you who log in for the public entries note that it seems like I am updating less, be aware that there may be entries that you cannot see. Do not hate me for asking you to create lj accounts, I'm just getting PARANOID.

If you do create an account and want me to FRIEND you, leave a comment with your name and who you are. Thanks!

Okay, so I have not been updating real life events and this is a shame because some interesting things have happened. Let's go backwards! It's Momento again..

So, yesterday found me hysterical. Not in the crying sense, but in the no coherent sentences or logic sense. Three friendships were destroyed and then mended in like 4 hours, go me and my craziness, and I threw grape flavored candy at Jase's window a la Romeo and Juliet because I don't believe in normal apologies. Door knockers aren't a good enough apology.

(Now that I think of it, had I known I was going to do that I would have probably taken Act II, Scene 2 and altered Romeo's words to say to him when he opened the window:

"With fiendship's light wings did I o'erperch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold frienship out:
And what friendship can do, that dares friendship attempt;
Therefore my irrationale are no let to me.")

Before that I had to give a presentation of the Roman Coins Database that I am currently working on at a lecture in the Scholarly Communication Center, the epilogue to a lecture by a Yale professor. I indicated that the high res photos of the coins are good for that hands-on experience that some people might not be able to have with the Rutgers Collections if they're, "over seas, otherwise unable to make it to Rutgers, or browsing the internet at 3 in the morning without any pants on..."

What. WHAT? What? I SAID THAT!

The night before (Tuesday) I went with Jackie and Kristie to Somerville for Jackie's therapy. We enjoyed a witty / storytelling car ride both ways and Kristie and I did have an orgasm in the Ultimate Vintage Store on Main Street. I bought a crazy reversible hat with a great hidden pocket for drugs ("Find the hidden pocket and you get a fortune!") and we then enjoyed a Deadly Sin at the Chinese Buffet. Mmmm, Mongolian grill....

The night before THAT was also a Jackie night, which consisted of eating Italian with the two girls. I ate a whole small calzone with peppers and onions! GO ME! 'Twas much fun. I met a CRAZY lesbian couple that seemed to breach the gap between "the hood" and "Jewish Brooklyn."

Sunday was a day of wasted gas and tiredness while Sonja, Rob, and I wanted to use the Most Beautiful November Day EVER for a last picnic in Hacklebarney but ended up going to a mall. I hung out with Heather later in the day and we all watched the new Family Guy.

Saturday Rob and I got up hella late and the main event was going to my father's "Welcome to the Union!" party at The Cabin. We waited FOREVER! Afterward, we went to Red Bank to meet Amy and Evan who had actually left already because there was no jazz. We walked around, got coffee, and went home.

Friday was a magical day! And it was so special that I have decided to give it it's own entry, which you will have to scroll down for!

I have been spending my evenings with Jackie and Jase lately, much to my delight. November air is always a time for friends. Jase and I are co-hosting Christmas Eve dinner this year! Invitation only! This will be a traditional endeavor; a five-course formal dinner at my ancestral home.

Last Thursday I spent with Jackie. We went to B&N to buy her 11 mangas and then went to pricey yuppie gardening store where I found the perfect birthday presents for both myself and Jase! Jackie and I split a potted Moth Orchid for m'lord, and Jackie bought me the equivalent of me in plant form. It's called an Anthurian, and it grows with no soil! It rests, ever so elegantly, on a volcanic rock!

BEHOLD!



... and it is one of the coolest birthday presents EVER! I mist her twice daily.

I had a bangin' birthday this year. The presents spanned a full month and now that we all have money we can all celebrate our friendships! Jackie listed her presents one year in her livejournal. I want to do the same, not to make anyone feel bad, but just so I can remember.

Dad: XM radio and one year's subsciption
Heather: HP/autumn party!
Amy & Evan: Beautiful travel journal and the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe
Sonja & Jared: Michael's gift card (which got turned into yarn and needles) and a weed cookie cutter and beer glass
Jackie: Anthurian!
Jase: the most beautiful coat I have ever seen! (and, apparently, gas and groceries)
Christian: dinner at my favorite Vietnamese resturant
Paul and Linda: dinner and a B&N gift card

Did I forget anyone? I LOVE YOU ALL!

There are very few Star Trek references in my every day life, but many in my SOUL. The utopian, futurist fiction that Gene Rodenberry created actually influenced me greatly (mostly in the form of The Next Generation) and not in the nerdy sense, although we all know it’s true! but in the ideas and ideals he put forward. The Prime Directive, for example, the quest for knowledge and the humbling and understanding of man’s place in the universe that becomes the result.

There were also very important character developments giving an insight into what it means to be human. Spock and Data are the two best examples, and that Borg kid (DAMN what’s his name) is yet another. The idea that we should remove emotional impulses from our minds in a quest for a more pure form of logic has always been something that fascinated me. It also made Spock’s occasional emotional breakdowns even MORE interesting.

I do believe that mankind needs to curb its emotional impulses with logic, and conversely that emotional impulses cloud logical thinking. Which is why when I start to lose my grip on my more basic emotions – jealously, rage, lust – I get very upset. I hide in shame, get angry with myself and attempt a stranglehold on my raging mind.

But sometimes I just want to experience irrational anger, unfounded jealousy, and uninhibited lust. I can understand how these things are illogical or in some cases seriously detrimental to my friends and relationships, but I am full of absolutely undiluted human emotion that threatens to spill over the levees of my logic.

The strain of constantly seeing things from other people’s perspectives, constantly trying to understand, constantly respecting other people leaves me in more dire straits. Because when you are forever cool headed and logical, forever not prone to fits of hysteria, when it does pour forth it threatens the foundations of your social and emotional bonds to other people.

People don’t want to see me fly off the handle. People don’t want to watch me dissolve into unfounded jealousy or rage. BUT I’M ANGRY! Crazy, I want to hurt people angry! I know the reasons, they ARE illogical, but oh man, I’m pissed. Most of the anger is directed at myself for feeling this way in the first place. Who loves illogical logic circles, because I DO!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yet under it all, a gut wrenching all encompassing sorrow...

J.K. said that neither Book 6 or Book 7 would be as long as Book 5. Here is why I feel that cannot be so:

Things That Need to be Resolved in Book 7:
Voldemort AND the Horcuxes
Snape's role
Ron and Hermione
The elimination/imprisionment of the Death Eaters
As per above, Azkaban.
The Godric Gryffindor connection (Godric's Hollow, anyone?)
The corruption in the Ministry
Something about James and Lily Potter that we seem to be missing...


Things that Will Probably be Resolved in Book 7:
The Weasley's socio-economic status
Neville
Luna
Equal rights to non-humans in the Magical World
The uniting of the Houses
Harry's love life
The Dursley's
Remus and Tonks
Malfoy's future
Percy's relationship to his family

And more stuff, I can't remember...

This having been my first ever costume party I am happy to say it ROCKED! While I am hella poor and still exhausted I was happy with the results and Rob mumbled his cute thanks to me in bed right before passing out into a drunken/allergy stupor TWO nights in a row.

Saturday dawned bright and too fucking early for my father to come over and change a headlight for me. We then took the Hummer to go buy breakfast and thumbtacks and while eating Jackie called! We then proceeded to go pick her up in the Hummer after spending ten minutes trying to tell the damn GPS that we wanted the shortest route to Monmouth Junction and my dad brought us on a haphazard tour of the eastern leg of Monmouth County before we finally got back. Jackie is the awesomeist because she totally helped me clean and decorate for the party.

LET IT BE KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE LAND THAT THE PARTY WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SO COOL IF NOT FOR JACKIE AND HER ASS-ISTANCE!

ALSO, let it be known throughout the land that Jared bought TWO pizzas AND ran errands, I LOVE HIM!

We cleaned (threw everything into the bedroom closest) and decorated (hung printed plastic on the walls) and went shopping (here, you hold the hot soup and the frozen cheesecake and I'll run around frantically) AND she wrapped Rob's presents. She is a saint. Or a devil. A cool, helpful devil.

The apartment ended up looking like a dimly lit cobwebbed dungeon/old Victorian Mansion which actually wasn't that bad in the right lighting. The bar was fully stocked on two tiers. Go us.

Party highlights: Jake and Elwood, the BLUES Brothers and their entrance into the party, the constant threat of a Phantom of the Opera moment with the chandlier, me getting drunk on half a glass?, the Blues Brothers take on 7-11 and A&P, the Red Bull cooler meaning the end of ice forever!, costume contest, name that TV show based on theme song thanks to Evan M., posing for the group shot (*me standing on couch* "May I have your attention please? Everyone who has NOT been to a Valerie-Party, please raise their hand! Okay, you need to know a few things about the group shot [aside: you may moan *rest of the party group-moans*]..."), SUFFIX!, explaining the Circle of Trust ("Getting into the Circle of Trust is rather arbitary. I am the arbiter of the Circle of Trust! It's not easy to get in, it CAN be very easy to get kicked out. There is a list of canidates and a number of people on probation. Being related to me or Rob does not guarntee you anything, nor does the duration of a friendship. We are a sacred circle and only I know what gets you in, although EVERYTHING is put up for a vote, there are circles within the circle..."), David and Shawn peering up at me in the night while I explained that getting spinach dip at 3:30 in the morning is FINE, the drunken bead lady at Quik Check and the milkshake machine

Jackie as Pansy Parkinson, girlfriend of Draco Malfoy
Ryan as Elwood Blues
Jared C. as Jake Blues
Rob as Sexy Vampire
Evan as Pumpkin Farmer
Amy as Pumpkin Farmer's BITCH
Sonja as Sexy Nurse from the Pysch Ward
Myself as Geisha Girl
Adam as Oral Sex Breathalizer
Heather P. as Alice from McGee's Alice
Ish as Lou Diamond Philip's brother...?
Monica as Pimpin'
David as Rastafarian Gentlemen
Shauna as Teacher's Pet
Heather as Mr. Jones
Richard as Me

PICTURES WILL FOLLOW! VALERIE'S LJ WILL SOON HOST A NEW FEATURE FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN THE PARTIES SO WORRY NOT!

CUTE BLOND IN AN ACID TRIP = HEATHER! is what I just told Heather. heh, heh. I demanded she go as Alice from Wonderland.

Everyone cross their fingers for Rob's party working out! I have present requests sent out across the land.

Tuesday night I went to my last knitting class *tear* and then was supposed to go to Jackie's but a lack of communication + random panic attacks led to this crazy evening:

Left Rutgers to go to Jase's to drop off the card for Christian, whereupon I was literally YANKED inside by Jase to enjoy a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I left him to travese Route 1 (and a CRAZY accident) down to Jackie's where we watched two episodes of an anime called "Fruits Basket," regrettfully waking the anime beast within me because now I HAVE to watch that hot Draco Malfoy/Jase character BANG Honda Accord or I will die. So, Jackie and I will probably be watching anime on every chance I happen to knock on her door. Jackie was going to sleep so I made arrangments to traverse back UP Route 1, only to have Rob call me and tell me he needed me to meet him at his parent's house because he was having a panic attack so I knocked on the door to be greeted by a full house of The Boys and Christian making me dinner! I cursed the world, amused my cohorts, and shot at the undead with a crossbow for awhile before making hugs all around and driving down to Paul and Linda's. le sigh.

Rob said he'll make it up to me so I hereby CLAIM Jase for next Friday for a special day I have taken it upon myself to plan.

Jaeyias: I say you and me resurrect the Knights Templar
Jaeyias: Which will be a secret society of stoners and beats, and we'll pretend to be taking over the world when in fact we'll just be smoking out of a bong shaped like the Ark of the Covenant

I have been reliving all manner of childhood memories as of late, as well as coming to some startling conclusions about my past, my upbringing, and the affect these things have had on the current me.

I stopped by Jase's yesterday on the way home from school to have an intense 45 minute chat wherein I told him the basic tenets of my personality, drive in life, and current mental breakdown factors. Along with slightly concerned and interested blue eyes staring back at me I got, "You really are a damn interesting person, you know that?"

Having spilled all that information in such a succinct way AND having it understood with the implied promise that we would spend more time on certain friendship issues after he had time to digest the info and formulate follow up questions, I FELT BETTER!

Random childhood story:
I came to the conclusion while sharing boat stories with Ryan that one of the reasons my dad let me drive the boat when I was so young is probably because I was the only sober one there.

We used to go swimming/water skiing in a tributary to the Raritan River (side story: once, while boating up the Raritan, my father pointed to Rutgers and told me that he hoped one day to see me go there, and here I am) mainly because it was quiet and we rarely got in trouble for illegal skiing because no water cops were going to bother to patrol. There were two beaches offset but facing eachother on the opposite banks: the shady beach and the sunny beach. We went to the shady beach because we didn't like the sun and there was always this nice couple there who my dad would ski with. I would hang out with the nice lady and she would give me grapes from her cooler. This was the same beach that my dad introduced me to honeysuckle (and the proper way to get the drop of honey) on. One day the couple asked if I wanted to go swimming in the lake. I'm like, what lake? There was a very shallow, Bahama blue lake up the bank and in the woods right there. It was like entering a different world, from the shady, muddy banks of the muddy Raritan to this beautiful, tiny lake with white sand and clear, warm, blue water out under an open sky with bright sunlight. I have forever had the inpression that the area was rich in minerals or was somehow a quarry... I don't know. Anyway, we went swimming out to this tiny little island and the water was so warm and refreshing that swimming took no effort and it felt like I was floating in mid air. We went to the island and back and when I got back onto the shore I spotted a small, water-worn glass bottle. This bottle was like sea glass, which now that I contemplate it doesn't make much sense because there was no tide and no waves in which the bottle could get sandblasted.. but this tiny bottle was bent in, like some heat source had melted it and it sits, to this day, on a self above my old desk in my room.

Tuesday evening I came home to clean and eventually made my way back up to New Brunswick as Crisis Control for a break-up. Crisis Control consists of a steady-ear, a ready joke, and being a purveyor of alcohol and tomato soup.

It was a moment of pure insanity for me when while opening the door back into the apartment after going to the supermarket for popcorn, soup, cream, and crackers a semi-intoxiated Jase turned to me and said, "but at least I have good news!" As I said, "yeah?" he responded with, "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko!" and I felt the world of Probable Probabilities tip right out from underneath me because that was SO RANDOM for him. I countered with, "I just lowered my cholestrol by switching to Honey Nut Cheerios" and we went in to dine on daquiris, grilled cheese and tomato soup. My smug grin owed to the fact that I was rubbing off on him = HILARIOUS!

We watched a great stand-up comic (the name of whom I will need to get from Jase) and I feel alseep only to wake up hours later, wake him up off the couch, and prod him off to bed. That night's sleep was the most solid I've had in weeks, so remarkable that I'm remarking on it.

Friendship is like a dark beacon in the night.

In the music video of my life I am trying to climb up the chasm of life, and it is the arms and sholders of my friends catching me when I slip.

I divide my buddy list into Ancients and Recients, Ancients often being the cloest thing to soulmates I could fathom in reality, Recients being those who came a little later in life but changed life more than anything.

I love you all.

Thanks to the machinations of the lovely Heather Preston I present to you a livejournal entry concerning MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Born in the recesses of my sentimental soul came this autumn-themed bonfire event with invitations spanning all the years of my life! Most of my enjoyment came from the people present, so I will list them who honored me with their presence, in the order in which I met them!

Dad, 1983 (DAD!)
Rachele, 1985 (cousin of mine!)
Heather, 1987? (Kindergarten never saw us coming)
Diane, 1989? (drove Heather around threatening to push her down the slide again)
Amy, 1996 (thank god our last names put us so close in middle school)
Jackie, 1998 (who knew freshmen english would have created this beast within?)
Jase, 1998 (a point of contention and a soul mate to boot)
Evan, 1999 (geeks and nerds CAN party like it's 1999)
Ryan, 2000 (MATH SUCKS!)
Rob, 2000 (lover of mine!)
Sonja/Ian, 2000 (driving around Monmouth county in an Altima listening to music IS the stuff dreams are made of)
David, 2001 (my unofficial little brother AND a friend)
Jared, 2003 (fire tender, bar tender, tender of love!)
Caroline, 2004 (drinking beer in an Irish pub near Bastile in Paris IS fitting when you do it with Caroline)
Nate, 2005 (newest acquistion = newest friend among us)

Those not in attendence that I'm sure regretted it and that I'll mention anyway because I love them:
Rich S., 1996 (our debating tendencies started young)
Peter, 2003/4? (Jack Daniels really is the drink of the Gods)
Jes, 2004 (the gothic architecture of Paris ain't got nothin on Euro Disney)
Luis / Joe, 2005 (don't busy schedules SUCK?)

I arrived at my house at about 5 to do some intial setting up before Heather got there, and then made my way half-way across the state to pick up one of the guests of honor, Jacqueline. We arrived back at 8 to a whole 4 people around the fire, including mine papa, and balloons tied to the mailbox. EVERYONE was late, it was hilarious. Did I mention the balloons tied around the mailbox? Red and gold with a Harry Potter balloon?? I then acted the Sorting Hat and had to inform Heather that I thought she was a Hufflepuff...

Party highlights: my father remarking that waiting for cups in order to start drinking would never have happened in his day, my father giving Hummer tours, Jared giving my father a sample of Hummer cologne and him LIKING it, me forbidding Hummer cologne, Ryan as FireMAN, XM by the fire, pumpkin carving!, apple cider!, Quidditch cake!, Nate and his photography glory, "Welcome! GET DRUNK!", warming hamburgers on sticks by the fire, me claiming the knife/ice cube story clears me for any activity while drunk and stoned, s'mores!, me wearing a variety of long and flammable clothing, threats of having to ritualistically welcome Nate to the family, Jase's first ever appearence at one of my parties, RACHELE!, Rachele carving two fantastic designs freehand and flabbergasting the rest of us in her artist way, Nate trying to force my hand into pumpkin-guts hell, Caroline as the first friend from Paris to ever mingle with my real life, my father "agitating" the fire and genuine fear on some inexperienced faces

Pictures!

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The CRAZY Quidditch cake Heather bought me



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Rachele's AWEsome jack o'lanterns carved freehand (I requested a toliet)



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An epic shot of 'My Father as Agitator'



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Genuine Fear



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The Group Shot



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Everyone knowns there's fire in my soul



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The universe stands perfectly still in poetic a moment for the bonfire parties

I just realized that when one of my other friends on livejournal makes a post about something I in turn forget to update about that same event because in my mind the update has already been made... which is why I'm now reporting Jackie's birthday party last Sunday!

Due to the fact that Rob and I were fighting I could not dress in a Japanese fashion for Jackie's oriental themed event! This is very sad but the party was way cool and Jackie's outfit was awesome! It was a gathering of alternative thinkers not to disappoint; there was much story telling and giggling... and apparently Scarface for one member of the group. From my sphere of influence came Sonja, Ryan, and Heather along with Rob and me, and I got to re-introduce myself to some of Jackie's friends. It was at this party that I met Nate, and hand-picked him to be the newest aquisition for my collection. He was invited to me birthday party. I will now post some of the pictures lent us from Nate (who takes MILLIONS of pictures as you will see when I write the birthday party update).

But before that, while a few days late, I want all the world to know that I wish The Great Miss Jackie Dacey a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and hope she has MANY MORE!



So last Thursday I decided to try with all my might to make weekly visits to two of my favorite people that I feel I don't see enough. Well, lately I have because of this effort that I am now making Official. I will Officially try to Visit the Great Miss Jackie Dacey AND Lord Jase every week! I've been good with the Jackie visits, GO ME! This effort will ebb and flow with midterms and general lack of time. I dread the day when any friend is beyond driving distance, which is why I'm hella glad Jase moved to New Brunswick and Jackie only went as far away as Monmouth Junction.

Thursday was a Tour de Force of the cool people who changed my life/I look up to. I stopped by Jackie's house to give her her OB/GYN KENOBI shirt which I hope she liked. We then attempted to storm the gates of Burrito Royale to no avail, thwarted by the fact that a shack on the side of Route 1 does NOT in fact take credit cards. We ended up driving up 27 to Four Musketeers pizza ("I'm loving that they were French and this is Italian") where we made love over food and then I made haste to drop her off so that I might run up to Jase's. Some day earlier last week I had crashed Jase's and mulled around reading Half-Blood Prince while he worked on his new super computer, and then fled just as we were going shopping for dinner. I in turn promised that I would sleep over later that week and we could make dinner and drink like we used to. So, Thursday was the night. He made me a lovely non-chicken chicken parm with pasta and then LOTS of strawberry-watermelon daiquri (SP?) later we chilled on the couch under an afgan watching TV. We went to bed around one-ish and I woke up the next day to breakfast in bed. Yum! I love breakfast in bed, it's seriously one of the nicest things someone can do for you. I went to get ready for the class I was already late for when MarlboroIan called to tell me class was canceled! yay! So I went to Rutgers, got my computer, and worked on my internship work in Jase's living all day until 5 pm. Jase was working on schoolwork in his room but joined me for lunch (garlic bread) and the Atlantis special I was watching on The History Channel. Overall, a good day!

Did I mention that it rained for SEVEN DAYS!? From Saturday to Friday-fucking-night. NJ was a LAKE!

Okay. Here's an interesting line of thought.

So I'm watching Fresh Prince of Belaire last night (please hold your laughter because you ALL know you watched it, too), and it's an episode where Ashley is deciding whether or not she's "ready" to lose her *whipsers* VIRGINITY and the dude that she's angsting over is played by the dude who played Urkel. So when he comes on screen, Rob and I, stoned as we were, start laughing. I began to wonder just how much of a factor it was in the-actor-who-played-Urkel's mind that he was portraying a perfectly normal looking and desirable kid that this hot chick wants.... to diametrically oppose his other role and typecast?

So I got to thinking about typecasts. I know this is something that would really frustrate an actor. Child actors talk about it all the time, as do serious actors who got caught in a "stupid" role and I feel it's unfortunate and try to look around it and all that jazz... but here's the thing.
1) humans just DO that with everything.
2) I had a really weird childhood in the sense that until I was like 13, all I watched was TV from the 50s, 60s, and 70s and all I listened to was music from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. People in school used to talk about "90210" or "Saved by the Bell" or "TGI Fridays" or "Salt n Pepa" "MC Hammer" etc. I knew none of this! I knew Star Trek: OS, I Dream of Jeannie, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Buddy Holly, The Honeymooners, I Love Lucy, a little Frank Sinatra. This, as you can well imagine, is probably one of the reason I was SO VERY out of place and picked on and generally weird. I had no role to play in popular culture until I was 13 and hit middle school. Up until I was an interesting teenager I did not realize that this was in any way bizarre until I started learning the details of other people's childhoods and I realized how interesting it was that I completely missed the late 80s and early 90s. I didn't have a Cabbage Patch doll or Creepy Crawlers or even know how to act because I wasn't watching any kids my age and in my decade on TV. This can go on and on and I've seen manifestations of my unique childhood (as far as pop culture is concerned) in a lot of aspects of my life and it makes for increduluous faces, usually on Rob, when people compare the same year of our lives. ANYWAY, my round-about point is that typecasting can vary depending on what you were exposed to first. For instance:

TO ME:
Don Adams = Maxwell Smart from "Get Smart"
Larry Hagman = Major from "I Dream of Jeannie"
Jackie Chan = Chinese guy from "Cannonball Run"
Roger Moore = British guy from "Cannonball Run"
Tim Curry = Butler from "Clue"
Julie Kavner = Brenda Morgenstern from "Rhoda"
Robin Williams = Mork from Ork

TO OTHER PEOPLE MY AGE:
Don Adams = Voice of Inpector Gadget
Larry Hagman = guy from "Dallas"
Jackie Chan = probably any movie other than "Cannonball Run"
Roger Moore = James Bond
Tim Curry = "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" among others
Julie Kavner = voice of 'Marge' on The Simpsons
Robin Williams = probably anything other than "Mork and Mindy"

This goes on and on and on. But you might get the point.

The best one??? Up until I knew better...

Ringo Starr = conductor from Shining Time Station

That was a contemporary show but I was FUCKED UP.

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They're making a 'Miss Doubtfire 2'? OH COME ON!

So my Dad bought me an XM receiver and year's subscription for me birthday and I LOVE IT! There are SOME commercials but it's not bad and they're never on the music channels. The comedy channels are great for sitting in traffic and I am in love with the variety compared to FM radio it's AWESOME! As far as I'm concerned I'm with Howard Stern on the fact that terra based radio rolled over for the FCC so many times that THEY sacrificed their listeners. This is in addition to the fact that the radio plays NO alternative music past the "alternative hits" and even then only plays singles. It's boring and a waste of my time. Sorry!

The one thing I HATE about satellite? My three favorite channels are Lucy, Fred, and Ethel... and THERE'S NO RICKY! WHY? Why would you bother with Lucy, Fred, and Ethel if you aren't going to put Ricky? WTF, mate? Follow the reference through, people!

NO! SLEEP! TIL BROOKLYN!

Why don't people know how to pluck their eyebrows? And why do some people insist on WAXING their eyebrows? This has always confused me. Do they feel they are not capable? Can they not stand the pain? Because if they think getting their eyebrows waxed makes them look better they are WRONG for the following reason: people who get their eyebrows waxed most often let them grow back out before they 'get the chance' to make another appointment. So instead of plucking as the little stubs grow back out they are left with an eyebrow covered in little black stubs and an appointment next week. If you think this is getting your eyebrows to look better you are most certainly mistaken.
Next, please pluck your eyebrow to compliment the shape of your eye and eye socket. Your face is not malleable, only certain parts of it are, so you have to work with the shapes and shadows you CAN'T control instead of trying to compensate for your hooded eyes by plucking your eyebrows down to a hair-thin line. Work with your face! Makeup and hygiene should be looked at like interior design, work with your space and the colors already available! Work WITH your eye color when applying eye shadow, work WITH the size and shape of your lips when determining a color and sheen! I'm not even a woman and I can do makeup better than half these ho's.
Men: PLUCK YOUR EYEBROWS! A little masculine shaping never hurt anyone.

Fucking gender conscious society SICKENS me.

I meant to say that last week when I hung out with Jackie I finally got to eat at Burrito Royale. DAMN! Fucking good Mexican food. Yeouch!

So, it's my birthday. I am not sure how to feel about this although I AM sure I don't want to be 22. I guess that's how I feel.

So, a little bit of updating. I have decided I miss childhood/my ancestral home to a dangerous degree and will NEED therapy if I don't right now. I thought people with bad childhoods were the ones who needed therapy? Why do good childhoods need therapy, too? Does anyone else realize how fucked up we all are? Because I'm telling you some people really think life is normal. Whatever THAT means.

Obviously waxing philosophical only makes sense IN my mind.

So in my pursuit of grad school I am embrassed to say that something surprised me today that I should have already known, honestly. And that is if I want to study History the way I want to study History, I need at least THREE, count 'em THREE languages. Instead of letting this dishearten me forever I have decided to learn FOUR between now and the time I ultimately apply for a doctorate program. You have now seen insanity if you have never glanced the beast before. In the space of two intensive years I hope to be able to read and comprehend (not really write or speak):
Latin (1/16 of the way there)
French (1/2 of the way there)
German (no where)
Italian (no where)

No, FUCK YOU, INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE! I WILL HAVE STATIONARY WITH 'PhD' AFTER MY NAME! From an Ivy League school! By the time I'm 30! In Garamond pt. 12!

The good news? Now I don't have to study for the GRE through October AND my Dad is totally behind my effort. His sentiment can be summed up with mine: "Why the fuck not, right?"

My father got THE CALL! He is now a member of Checkers Union 1, and thank goodness, because the poor man can't drive a truck forever (although in my mind he will always be a trucker). We are happy and he suggested getting drunk to celebrate. He heard no argument to the contrary from me.

Bonfire birthday party this Saturday at my ancestral home!

Jackie's party was fun and rich in interesting dialogue. We had to leave early due to the fact that it was a Sunday eve and I regret it. le sigh. BUT her present will be coming soon (still walking the line between stupid and funny) and I shall hand deliver it to her holy hand. We will then smoke and commiserate. So it is written, so it shall be done.

I'm sleeping over Jase's tomorrow night, as I promised I would. I have a date to get drunk with him and Christian and I can't wait. Christian brought the two of us out to Vietnamese last Thursday for our birthday's.

I need to buy Evan and Jared C. birthday presents. I need to take Jase out to dinner at a great resturant.